Withdrawal symptoms and other stuff

I kind of had expected that since I'm on sick leave I might get bored or at least find that I have loads of extra time in my hands. Not so much! The first week I was still sorting out quite a bit of work. The second week (last week) I started to get a bit more sleep, yay! and then found that there is tons to do at home. In addition, due to the dietary restrictions I now have I seem to spend hours every day cooking. Kind of enjoy it, though.

On Thursday I went to the University hospital for the day. They taught me how to measure my blood sugar five times a day from my finger tips and how to use the other machine that automatically took my blood sugar from the tissue of my lower back 300 times every 24 hours.

This one measures blood sugar from your blood, the white and yellow plastic thingies are in fact the needles used to do make a tiny hole in your finger.

Here's the machine which was attached to me for three days. Somewhat inconvenient when you go to the shower or try to sleep. Baby didn't really dig it either and tried to kick it a couple of times :).

In addition, I then had to write down every thing I ate. So, that kept me busy until this Monday. Originally the plan was that I'd do the testing until Saturday but when I returned to the ward the nurse said I'd have to continue until Monday because the sugar levels on two occasions were too high.

I had had high hopes of getting rid of the testing and being a bit more free with the diet so that was a big bummer. I had dreams of Runeberg's tarts (check Wickipedia since I don't seem to get the link to work - it only is willing to make the link to Runeberg for some reason).

I know that it is a blessing and a good thing that we're being monitored so closely but ... honestly, it sucks! Add to that withdrawal symptoms from sugar and being constantly hungry, and I do mean ALL THE TIME - it's no wonder we had a tough weekend at our household. Poor husband! But, at least, I will whole heartedly understand my child getting cranky when she feels that she's not gotten enough or at all to eat. With the pregnacy hormones I seem to have regressed to the age of one or something when it comes to dealing with the disappointment of not getting food right away. Let's just say it does not go down very well.

Now then, yesterday. I had an appointment with the doctor about the results of the blood sugar testing. Turns out, somewhat to my surprise, since the home testing had given results that were well within the set limits, that I now do have pregnancy related diabetes which requires medication twice a day and blood sugar testing three times a week four times a day.

The problem are the sugar levels at night. At which the medication then is meant to help. It's mild enough not to lower my blood sugar too low but it should support the diet and excerise regime I now am on. The good thing is that it gives me a bit more room with what I eat since the diet has now been extra strict - my own choice - and it has been tough to be so hungry all of the time.

But my first reaction to the news was: "I'm going to be hungry to the day the baby is born!" The doctor's comment to this was: "You get used to it." Didn't really help! For the time being I am not a huge fan of hers. She's right, I guess, but it doesn't really help when you just wish you could eat without having to think about he fat content and sugar content of your food and having to worry that your child is going to get too big and end up in the ICU because of low sugar levels since her body's gotten too used to too much sugar.

This is the problem with some of the doctors I've encountered - not at all all of them, mind you - but some. They've been taught to look for solutions and that's understandable and even desireable enough. But often there is this feeling of not being met at all and a feeling of being treated, well, as if you had no emotions at all. Kind of like computer wizards dealing with broken computers. But you do have an emotional response, too, and when there is not a word of encouragement, you get - or at least I do - more stressed and kind of hurt, too.

All I really needed was that there had been even one comment saying that all things considering things are very well and keep up the good work. That would have given me tons of extra motivation to keep doing what I need to do. The thing is that I've actually lost 1,5 kg during the past three weeks - not that I'm suppoesed to really loose weight but I'm told that it should stay where it is to the end of the pregnancy. The baby is exactly the size she should be at his point ie. 1900g and she's as active as ever. However, now I just felt that I'm to be blamed for all of this and I am to do everything they say to salvage the situation and what I have done is somehow still not enough. Not a nice feeling.

However, I am going to have to continue doing what needs to be done no matter what. And the thing is that it seems that both the diet and excercise are curing my insomnia which is a huge blessing. Having to eat healthy is not a bad thing either and I do find it a positive challenge to figure out how to prepare deserts with no or very little sugar, since nowadays diabetics are not entirely forbidden to eat small amounts of sugar, too. We eat a lot of berries these days :). And I do have more energy since my blood sugar level does not fluxuate as much as it has before and the food is certainly very healthy with whole grains, berries, vegetables etc.etc.

Now if I could just not feel so terribly hungry all the time!