I'm back

I'm back meaning that I feel that I haven't really been myself for quite some time. A year and a half of sleep deprivation will do that to anyone, I think. Little girl slept a while back for a week like a little angel but then I guess the excitement of learning so much - such as sitting up and standing - took us back to nursing once a night. If I could always fall right back to sleep it wouldn't really be much of a problem but I don't and so I get t i i i i i i r e d ! And crancky. And baby bluesy.

The paradox of my life is to be the happiest I've ever been and at the same time feeling at times almost depressed just because I'm so incredibly tired. Being a stay-at-home-mom is a lot of fun but there is of course the drawback of spending very little time with other adults so my capacity to have a perspective on things isn't it's best either.

And I've lost all fluency when it comes to speaking any language! Fortunately Husband knows me so well that he can easily figure out what it is that I'm trying to say with: "Could you please get the, erm, the... the... the red thingy?" He'll kindly bring a blue pacifier to me (we don't even have a red one :)).

I read somewhere that it isn't true that expecting mommies' brains don't function as well as they otherwise do. Maybe, but it certainly is true that a sleep deprived mommy's brains are asleep and jolting them into action is a bit of a challenge. Fortunately little girl doesn't mind and quite likes a silly mommy who has to be a scat singer when she can't remember the lyrics of children's songs. I've gotten very good at it by the way :).

Husband was home for the past week on sport's holiday and I got to sleep a bit more, so today I am feeling much more like myself. Husband is back to work and little girl and I are back to our regular day schedule except that she has started to wake up an hour earlier (7 am) and takes longer naps now in the afternoon, which is why I'm able to write right now.

I've written in my mind about all kinds of things but now that I'm sitting in front of the monitor it seems I can't come up with much of anything. Anoying! One of the things I'd like to have time to write about is motherhood. I'm thinking that I'll try to get to that so that come mother's day I could have something ready. I'm loving motherhood - I always suspected it would :) - and I'd like to figure out for myself how it has changed me, because it has, all sleep deprivation aside. But apparently for now I've got nothing.

Oh, yes. Our flat is on the market now for the fifth week and I have to admit that it is not, I repeat NOT, fun to clean it up every Sunday for open house. It wouldn't be a problem otherwise but the little one's eating habbits are very messy and she eats often. So, every Sunday we bolt out of the door Husband pushing me in front of him and me desperately clinging to a bottle of dish detergent and saying that I still need to wipe this that or the other thing. Well, not really but we really seem to be running late forever and always.

There's a house on the market right now in Masku that we are interested in but someone's going for a second viewing today and it might be that we won't ever even get to see it live (we've only seen the information in the internet). The scary thing it that that it is the one and only house there is within 30 km of Turku that is in our price range and has what we are looking for.

Needless to say I do a lot of praying these days. I know God has a solution for us so it isn't really necessary to repeat that we really would like a house. But I do. I don't really pray to inform God of this since He certainly knows it but rather to find patience and trust to wait for the solution He has for us. I tend to go for quick decisions and those are not always the wisest ones nor ones that God intended for me. On the other hand, He's given me a Husband who is getting very good at calming me down :).