First week of work

We have survived my first week of work. Not spectacularily well, but we did! The heat wave is getting to my nerves BIG TIME and in addition to everything else we were looking for a new car when ever we could (and usually it was very hot). We found one, though, and are now very proud and happy owners of a three years newer car than the old one.

We now have two toyotas. The absolute best part with the new car is that is has air conditioning! We loooove it. And for those of you asking the most important question the new car is blue :).

Coming back to work has been really tough on little girl. She has been very cheerful when I leave and even more so when I get back and she's been very good about it all, but it is hard. She doesn't want to fall asleep anywhere else than in her dad's or my lap. Husband put a stop to it - understandibly with this weather - but last night I decided that if she is comfortable enough to fall asleep in my lap so be it. 

The other nights she had talked and fussed and squirmed endlessly trying to find away to sleep holding on to my hand or better yet on top of it. Most nights she'd finally fall asleep close to 11 pm which is way too late for a small child and pretty late for me, too.

One of the nights she started crying about something - I forget the details - but when I stroked her and told her I knew it was hard on her that mommy has gone back to work she really started sobbing. She also said it out loud that it's a bad thing that mommy works. 

I'm happy she could let it out and it has been easier since in that she hasn't cried. But her anxiety shows in the fact that she can't settle down. Ideally she'd settle down on her own but we are nowhere there right now. Once our daily rhythm settles down and - God willing - she starts actually enjoying seeing her friends in kindergarten then we will start trying to help her to find a way to fall asleep on her own. Right now it feels like the wrong thing to do in the midst of everything.

Not so surprisingly little girl fell asleep much sooner than she has been, AND slept in her own bed the entire night last night.

I love my job. It's good to be back in the adult world. It is wonderful that I have been called to serve this congregation. I love my church, the Turku Cathedral, and I love taking the service. I love writing sermons. I love creating a new blog and once my colleagues are back planning what we'll do next.  And I love meeting with people who are about to marry or have just had a baby or....Also, financially there is no choice we need to have a double income family if we want to live where we do. And we love our home and town very much.

I'm actually surprised that I don't suffer from mommy guilt more than just a little. It's a hard transition for us all so it certainly is a blessing if I can avoid beating myself up about the fact that I work, too. But I do so feel for my little girl. I am so sorry that she feels so insecure and that it feels so much like abandonment to her. In time I have to hope she will start to trust that mommy will always, always come back to her but right now it is too much to ask of her.

The only thing is, of course, that I can't show my sadness - and worry - to her because it would make her feel even more insecure. That's why it's so good to have blog. Especially since there a many of you who have already gone through this period in your lives. We very much appreciate any prayers you might want to say for us. We certainly need all the support we can have.