The very worst moment of my entire life is drawing near. This week little girl and I are spending time in her kindergarten and come next week it is time for me to get back to work and leave her there. I HATE her kindergarten. I HATE being an adult. I HATE that there is no other option that I can think of. I regret so much that we decided to put her in a kindergarten rather than "perhepäivähoito" ie. familydaycare.
After our first visit (2 hours) today I feel awful. All the ladies working there are very nice, don't get me wrong, but it all seems so horribly institutionalized and on the other hand haphazard. When we arrived no one was there to welcome so we stood there wondering just what to do. Eventually someone did come and we went in but it was the big kids' side and just as little girl was getting oriented there we had to move to go to the little kids' side and it wasn't nearly as interesting from little girl's point of view.
The ladies there took very little contact with her and I just think it would be plain good manners to say welcome to kindergarten to the child herself when she arrives and at least try to talk to her rather than, well, not doing that. Then we went out and there is a big yard to play in put only sand toys for the little ones. The ladies - who were holding two of the little ones in their laps and, thus, somewhat busy - did not take any contact with my child and I wonder if I was supposed to then just play with her - I kinda thought I'd just be there for moral support and not to play with.
This is the part that disturbs me with every single kindergarten yard I ever go past: the adults do not engage in the activities. I don't get it! For the little ones who don't know how to play on their own just yet it must be soooo boring (I was getting really bored, too) and so was little girl. I get that the idea is that the children make up their own games but it's kind of a lot for a little girl who just started to be that innovative.
The very worst part, though, and you will think I'm an idiot is this; little girl has my metabolism and no matter how much we eat for breakfast come 10 am we're hungry. Seriously hungry. I can live with it but I have to keep myself busy. Little girl, too. Come 10 am little girl started saying: "Little girl is hungry. Could little girl get something to eat?" And she can't. They don't have a meal then it's 11.30.
Her first months my body's only job was to make sure she's fed. It stays with you. It is the job of parents everywhere to keep their children fed. To have to say no or try to avert her antention to something else so that she forgets she's hungry feels awful. I have never in my life felt so much empathy for all of the mothers and fathers in the developing countries who do not have the means to feed their children. Their hearts must be breaking. Mine is.
Little girl quite liked being there but then of course she doesn't yet know she will be left there next week. There was a little girl her age and as it happens her name is the same as our little girl's and she was crying after her mom for a big part of the time we were there. Everyone says that once mom or dad leaves the children stop crying. Bull! (Sorry, but that's what it is!) No they don't.
If tomorrow doesn't go better I don't know what we should do. Husband takes little girl there on Wednesday and since he is the most level headed man on earth I'm praying he will have a much more positive point of view on the whole. If not we're in trouble - financially that is. I'm sure we can't just change her somewhere else and just how long it takes to get a new placement for her is anyone's guess. But I'll worry about if that day comes. For now I pray that I can get a chance to talk properly with someone from the kindergarten and hopefully get a better idea on just what they are trying to accomplish. I haven't a clue what the logic is.
The thing is that little girl seemed so much older than her age in comparison to the other three little ones there. And yet she isn't. She still wears diapers and everything. It's just that she's into puzzles and books and learning new stuff and the only thing available were dolls and cars. This was today, mind you, and I am very upset so my account is certainly not an objective one. But still the first time I visited the kindergarten it seemed to me that they really have awfully few toys available.
At the end of the day - literally since it's 11.15 pm - I do from the bottom of my heart pray for all of those people who take care of our children. The work they do is so very important and since every parent expects different things it must be very hard to keep your calm and trust that you really do know best.
2 comments:
This seems like a total commonplace to say now, but both you and the Little girl will get adjusted to the daycare and she will have fun. But I do encourage you to contact the person in authority to go through your and their goals and educational and personal needs. I think it was just rude that the staff did not greet you or take contact with the girl! :( It seems it is a stratified organization and they did not feel it was "their job".
Thank you! It was in actual fact much nicer today :). I was plain panicing yesterday and it would have helped to get a bit more support from the staff which seems to sort of expect us parents to just sort it out for ourselves. They may have a point, but yes I agree it would be nice to be welcomed properly.
Post a Comment